As Crouch drives down the road, the wind at his back and the future ahead, he gets real pensive. Is that the right word? Pensive? Dictionary's are for wizards, and wizards are in league with the devil. So we will go with pensive, and not look it up.
Where were we? Oh yeah, thinking about stuff. Serious stuff. Deep things that only emo teenagers and people who shop at Trader Joe's think about. Why am I here? Will trees ever have human rights? What does the mole on the underbelly of my nominal sector say about me?
All those are important issues for a young man aren't they? We'll skip pondering upon those issues for now and spout off some self-congratulatory inspired wisdom.
Twenty Five years is a long time to be alive. I tell you, I feel like the old turtle in the swamp in The Neverending Story. Unlike the large turtle however my wisdom is condensed in a smaller package and I don't have a shell. I'm kind of like a high capacity SD card. What kind of wisdom is stored in side my circuits? Glad you asked.
Don't eat the package inside the beef jerky package.
Not a good idea. Sure it looks like candy, but it isn't. For firsty's the little package is hard to open and the little white balls are tasteless. Don't throw them out however. Waste not want not, right? Instead save them up. Wait until you get maybe 20 of the little packages and combine them in an old NERDS box. Wait until you come upon a traveling child that has a package of legitimate NERDS. Trade your "extra special round NERDS" for his raspberry NERDS. Boom. Profit.
Guns are gifts from the gods for use against computer illiterate individuals.
You may think you know the reason for the beginning of WWI, but you are wrong. Archduke Franz Ferdinand of Austria was on the phone trying to get support for an Internet issue on June 28th, 1914. The customer service associate on the other end was a Serbian gentleman named Gavrilo Princip. As hard as Gavrilo tried to explain what cookies were, Franz just didn't get it. Franz just went on and on about how he had just gotten Windows 7 and everything had changed. After an hour on the phone lines and no solution in sight, a 9mm pistol materialized in a 80s special effect kind of way right in front of him. The rest is history.
Tater Totts are gross.
Potatoes are good. I like them cut and fried, boiled and mashed, chopped and stewed, or hashed and browned. However, only nincompoops from the 3rd world only like tater tots. Ground up little remnants of god knows what part of the potato, arranged like a deer turd, and baked to an internal temperature of 350 degrees? No thanks.
The Worst Way To Describe A Group Of Individuals, Institution, Race, or Another Multi-Membered Entity Is "YOU PEOPLE".
I don't know if it was how it was done in the 30s or what, but how does it make you feel when someone calls you this. "You people charged me $5 for a sandwich" should be stated "I paid $5 for a sandwich." There should be federal regulation against this type of speech. As citizens we should all be assigned one blood thirsty monkey that would bite a person in the neck each time they said "you people".
Dinosaurs were intergalactic landscapers.
That's right. Dinosaurs were hired to make the place look nice for us humans. It's a big planet, so it took a couple million years to complete the job. When they left on their spaceships they took their rakes and tillers with them. Also the wrappers from their Hot Pockets were bio degradable, so they do not show in the fossil record.
Just Because Something Is Currently On Earth, Does Not Mean It Is Terrestrial
I leave you slug heads to figure this one out for your selves. Beware of the three toed sloth, that's all I'll say.
Peace!
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