Short Help's Better Than No Help At All

10 Best Sidekicks In The World, Ever.

It's hard to find good help these days. Imagine if your friends followed you around and actually helped you, instead of being hindering fools. You could achieve much greater heights than you could ever imagine! Below are 10 of my favorite sidekicks. Don't bother looking for Robin. He's a great sidekick and all, but that would be too easy.

10. Jar Jar Binks.

Settle down fan boy. There are allot of Jar Jar haters out there. As far as I'm concerned they can all eat a bag of eopie droppings. Jar Jar Binks did allot to help his Jedi friends in the movies. Without his, albeit naive, uniting attitude the planet of Naboo would have been controlled by the Trade Federation for who knows how long. Also, wasn't it Jar Jar that proposed to create a grand army of the republic. Sure the grand army via order 66 massacred hundreds of innocents, but before that they killed allot of droids. All in part, thanks to my boy Jar Jar.

9. Scottie Pippen.

In all of sports there is are no sidekicks like Scottie Pippen. Before Scottie there were no sidekicks. It was all about the team or some garbage before that. Jordan was like Superman. It made Pippen seem like Batman by comparison. That's a fin analogy too. While Pippen didn't have the super powers like Jordan, he had a keen mind for the game and tools like a 7'3" wing span. It has been argued that the Bulls would not have had as many championships with out Pippen. It's true. Jordan was the greatest, but he wouldn't have had the level of success he had, without number 33.

8. Short-Round.

Rarely has such character design included both a Yankee's ball cap and severe racial stereotyping. From his poor syntax to his terrible driving, this young Asian man really fills the mold. Why is he such a great side kick? I'll tell you why. What if Indy went into that mine by himself? He would have had to kick the crap out of a kid. Now I know Temple of Doom had a little extra gravy, and even warranted a new PG-13 rating, but Indiana Jones beating up a child wouldn't fly with most audiences. Our vintage baseball caps go off to you Short Round. Way to save the day. Don't Worry Dr. Jones, I no touch nothing!

7. Brian Griffin

As pictured above Brian is meant to be Peter's primary sidekick. This point is driven home in episodes like the one where James Woods takes Brians place. However, perhaps due to Brian's unnatural desire for Peter's wife, Brian is more often Stewie's side kick. Let's face it Brian is the straight man. The straight man's job is to make the funny guy funnier. Stewie is funnier than Peter and Brian helps him to be so. I love it when Stewie plays off Brian. A fine example can be found in the latest season. "Did you hear all that noise last night. I swear to god, it sounded like someone had an accident, and maybe someone got hurt."

6. Kit Cloudkicker.

Flying a sweet cargo plane like the Sea Duck isn't all fun and games. There are pirates like Don Carnage out there that are after all of you precious cargo. What a convenience then, it is to have a kid like Kit Cloudkicker on board. While Balloo flies the plane, Kit launches himself out the back hatch on a boomerang like sky surfing board. While on the board he causes all sorts of trouble for pursuing pirates. While not being a deterrent of pirates, Kit doubles as the voice of reason. While Balloo may think it's a good idea to go to Louie's and get hammered before a mission, Kit will let him know that may not be cool with Rebecca. Good looking out Kit.

5. Yoshi.

Rarely has a side kick changed the gameplay of a video game like Yoshi affected Super Mario World. Shigeru Miyamoto wanted to have Mario ride a dinosaur in the first Super Mario Bros. game, but the technical ability was not there. So when it came time to develop the flagship title for the SNES, Nintendo introduced Yoshi. The first world had Yoshi in it, and it was awesome. You could do so much more with Yoshi. He ate stuff, he made you fly differently, he could walk on spinys, and the different colored shells and Yoshi's had different abilities to help you beat the tougher levels. Having a blue Yoshi felt like cheating. A few years later Yoshi's Island made him the main character of a fantastic game. A trivial role in the Super Mario Sunshine game had some Yoshi fans wondering about his future, but his reprisal in Super Mario Galaxy 2 looks to re-cement Yoshi as an integral feature in a Mario platformer.

4. R2-D2

Sure the Star Wars saga is about the Skywalkers. While you're focused on Anakin and Luke, it's obvious R2 has a special place in George Lucas' vision. At least once in each film some one gets stuck in a hopeless scenario. Who comes to save the day? The extraordinary astromech, R2D2, that's who. He saves the ship with Obi-Wan and Padme in Episode I. He makes up for sleeping while worms crawl on Padme by saving her from a lava bath a bit later in Episode II. Early on in Episode III R2 saves Anakin and Obi Wan from certain death in an elevator, and then lights some battle droids on fire. In A New Hope, he saves the day early and often. He brings the stolen Death Star plans to the rebel base and shuts down all the garbage mashers on the detention level. He's at it again in Strikes Back when, after the told Lando they fixed it, R2-D2 repairs the Millennium Falcon's hyper drive. His last feat in the motion pictures includes having an integral role in the teams escape from Jabba's palace. I wish I could salute R2 and have him shoot me a lightsaber. Sigh...

3. Little John.

Probably the oldest side kick in literature, save Aaron to Moses. Little John is this high on the list because of his classic archetype that spawned a thousand side kick. Every witty diminutive hero needs a big, fat, strong helper. That's where Little John came in. Sure Robin Hood could shoot a bow and arrow with healthy accuracy, but it was Little John that took care of the villains when they got in close. Too, surely he deserves a spot in the annuls of side kicks for dressing up as a female fortune teller in the Disney movie. "Solis gold hub caps!" Not only was Disney presenting children with a cross dressing anthropomorphisized bear, they also hinted that Little John, an obviously black character, liked to steal hub caps. The shame.

2. Bender

A great sidekick always ends up stealing the spotlight from the main characters. Everyone knows Bender is good at stealing. Futurama was a decent show the first year. It didn't become a fan loved classic however until they let Bender loose. In the subsequent seasons Bender becomes more and more irreverent and rude. What a joy it is to watch Bender smoke and drink while he tells everyone to bite his shiny metal posterior. If Bender were to read this blog he would call me a meat bag and ask who I was calling a sidekick. Bender also marks the first time a Mexican character was portrayed with such elegance and class. Comedy Central has commissioned another season of Futurama, and it will give me great joy to watch the debauched robot once again.

1. Chewbacca

Who else? This wonderful wookiee is the best side kick ever. It has been said that man's best friend is a dog. Not so. A seven foot dog with an affinity for bowcasters and an ability to pilot a space freighter is man's best friend. As Han Solo can attest, Chewbacca was and is the most loyal side kick to walk in a galaxy far far away. At a young age Han Solo saved Chewbacca from being executed by Imperial officers. By saving the slave Han was kicked out of the Imperial Navy. According to Chewbacca's belief system he owed Han his life, and so a bond was formed based on a life debt. While Han did not initially want Chewbacca hanging around, after the first time Chewie saved Han's neck in a bar fight with a barabel, they were rarely seen separate. Chewie played an integral role in the fight against the Empire. It was he that convinced Han to return to the Battle of Yavin. Of course they blew that thing and went home shortly after that. Chewbacca stayed by Han's side until his dying day, when he saved Han and his family at Sernpidal. A statue of Chewbacca was erected on Kashyyk shortly after that. Not good enough for me. Some friends and I are headed to Mount Rushmore this summer. Come with us and bring your chisels.