Garbage Youthful Nostalgia

10 Things that were cool when you were a kid, but are now garbage.



Youth can be a trying time. Everything is new and there are many things to experience.

Too bad you can only take in what the current generation has to offer you. Once you grow up and become a "fuddy duddy" you have to turn to things like alcohol and nostalgia to feel alive. The combination of liquor and memories is a potent venom, and can lead to some wrong points of view. Everything you come across as an adult that you had when you were a kid, you think is great because you remember it. There are ten category's of things kids like, and here are the ones that are just stupid.



10. Cartoons -



Spiderman Cartoon





Why you liked it-

One of the first television cartoons to use computer images, the New York cityscape, the Spiderman cartoon was action packed and flashy. It was like watching a comic book. Yay!



Why it's garbage-

The show jumped the shark on a weekly basis and adlibbed as it liked to bring in other characters such as Wolverine from the Xmen. the voice acting was horrendous and Peter Parker spells out the plot line by giving the viewer a minute by minute commentary. Trying to sit through these cartoons today is almost as hard as sitting through Spiderman 3, and that's saying something.


Exception-



Batman: The Animated Series





Why you liked it-

It was awesome. Batman was the best and he kicked everyone's butts. Each week there was a new story and a new villain for Batman to foil. It went down smooth after a funny cartoon like Animaniacs.



Why it's still great-

This version of Batman cartoons ditched the campy 70's and 80's Batman style in favor of the new, darker Batman in the Tim Burton movie. They even improved upon that movie's style by not putting machine guns on the batmobile and sticking closer to the source material than any other comic related media. Sure it got a little campy towards the end, but the first three seasons are some of the best cartoons ever.

9. Toys

Care Bears



Why you liked it-

It was like a teddy bear but it came in different colors and had a picture on it's belly. There was also a cartoon on TV where the Bears solved problems by emitting emotions out of their belly's.

Why it's garbage-

Obviously the result of some drug induced hippie's deluded attempt to make young people aware of their emotions, these Bears were and still are a dumb fad. Even if you had the blue bear they are obviously for girls. Hopefully you ditched it around your friends,

Exception-

Dinosaur Toys


Why you liked them-

They are cool. There were many different kinds of dinosaur models and for the most part they were cheap enough for your parents and grandparents to buy them for you. Made of sturdy plastic, the didn't break or fall apart like other toys.

Why they're still cool-

There's a reason why dinosaur kids are smarter than Transformer kids. On the bottom of each figure were the names of the dinosaur. So while your friends were spouting off made up stupid names like "megatron", you were unknowingly spouting Latin. Also, dinosaurs are just cool and any grown man who has a collection of dinosaur models is cool in my book.

8. TV Shows

Power Rangers

Why you liked it-

You were a young man full of energy and misguided pre-pubescent angst. What better way to relieve those things than watch guys in suits fight bad guys. Yay!

Why it's garbage-

It just is. The acting was done by lame 17 year olds with no talent. The dialogue is so terrible there is nothing to compare it to. The story line is contrived and every element of the show is stolen from Japanese cartoons. Bleh.

Exception-

Fraggle Rock

Why you liked it-

Hairy Muppets that lived in a cave underneath some guy's house and caused mischief.

Why it's still great-

Hairy Muppets that lived in a cave underneath some guy's house and caused mischief.

7. Movies

The Wizard

Why you liked it-

A movie about Video Games! Finally! Two of your favorite things together no way this can go wrong. Theirs even a Power Glove and an NES in the movie. Kids can be seen playing Mario 2 & 3! What a great movie.

Why it's garbage-

Take another look under the hood fanboy. This abortion of cinema has as much reverence to the source material as Batman & Robin. "Kiss my ICE, Batman!". At one point a kid uses a power glove like it a Wii Mote, the father button mashes his way through Ninja Turtles, and Christian Slater hooks up his NES to a TV in a repair shop. The nail in the coffin however is how they treat the greatest game of all time, Mario 3. The kids play the game like re-re's first of all. Also to put the kid over the top he wins by using a warp whistle. Everyone knows you don't get points by using a warp whistle. Stupid.

Exception-

The Land Before Time

Why you liked it-

A dinosaur cartoon hadn't come along yet, and this one was most excellent. All your favorite herbivores were represented, as well as a frightful "sharptooth". The hand puppets that Pizza Hut had were also excellent.

Why it's still good-

This movie has a moving story of friendship and perseverance. The dinosaurs are drawn well and Don Bluth's animation studio does excellent work. The soundtrack is also most excellent, as you can't listen to it without feeling that you are in the Cretaceous. This movie is my favorite cartoon and stands the test of time.

6. Candy

Ring Pops

Why you liked it-

A sucker on a ring?! Genius! No need for sticks anymore. As an added bonus they give the appearance of royalty. Surely your friends will bow before you when they see it.

Why it's garbage-

Cavity jewelry is more like it. Not only were these extra messy, but they made you look like an idiot. More like a pacifier for your fingers. Not to mention the plastic ring made a nifty choking hazard after the candy was gone.

Exception-

Bottle Caps

Why you liked it-

Soda is good. Candy is good. Candy that taste like soda is double good!

Why it's still good-

Soda is still tasty and so are Bottle caps. They now come in a nifty pink roll that looks stylish in your front pocket. Other that male enhancement however, they are still tasty. The Root Beer ones in particular.

5. Drink

Drink

Why you liked it-

It was in a cool barrel and came in different colors. It tasted like candy water. Mmmm.

Why it's garbage-

Orange, Grape, Lime, and Blue Raspberry sound tasty enough. The reality however is that Drink has no nutritional value and the only reason your parents let you drink them was so that you would go into a sugar coma and leave them alone for a couple hours. Each bottle says "Contains 0% Juice".

Exception

Cream Soda

Why you liked it- Nectar of the god's it is! Tasty carbonated sugar bubbles.

Why it's still good- Smooth and refreshing, Cream Soda is always a favorite. It's particularly good poured over some Vanilla Ice Cream. Mmmmmm.

4. Sports

Smear The Queer

Why you liked it-

It was fun to run around on recess tackling each other. It was a point of pride to carry the Coke can for longer than 30 seconds. You didn't do the laundry. What did you care if you got dirty?

Why it's garbage-

Try doing that now. You get sore these days just thinking about playing tackle football, much less smear the queer. If you came home all muddy your wife would tell you to do the laundry yourself and wouldn't let you out of the house for a month.

Exception-

Kick Ball

Why you like it-

It was like baseball, but not as hard. While hitting a small ball with a thin bat does take some skill, if you weren't skilled enough to kick a large red ball you were probably skipping P.E.

Why it's still fun-

While your belly has grown and your stamina may not be what it once was, kicking a ball still doesn't take that much skill. The only problem is finding enough grown ups to play with you.

3. Clothes

Bugle Boy Shirts

Why you liked them-

It's all your mom bought you. You better like it because it's all you had to wear.

Why it's garbage-

I couldn't believe how hard it was to find an image of a Bugle Boy shirt. The one I found was small, and I couldn't find any of the really good 90's shirt with the fluorescent color schemes. You looked like a fool and it appears the government has banned images of them.

Exception

Licensed T-Shirts

Why you liked them-

The latest summer blockbuster had come out. How would your school mates know that you had seen it unless you wore the shirt the first day of school? Unfortunately being on a budget you may not be able to get the shirt until the movie was out on video, but you would rock it as soon as you could. As a side note, do you remember how long it would take for movies to come out on tape back then? Crazy.

Why they are still good-

Again I couldn't find any images of my classic shirts. I should just get my camera out and take pictures of my collection. That's right. My Jurassic Park shirt that I had in the 7th grade still fits. While you're wearing Amercombie and GAP, I'm rocking a shirt that has a Tyrannosaur attacking a Ford Explorer. Your growth spurt can suck it.

2. Music

Rude Limericks

Why you liked them-

"Jingle bells, Batman smells" seemed like the ryhme to end all ryhming in those days. It seemed the more you sung that song, the more your friends would laugh. As your musical library grew the songs only got more vulgar, and the ryhmes poorer.

Why they are garbage-

The songs made little sense and were plays on the same holiday songs you're sick of hearing anyway.

Exception-

Weird Al

Why you liked it-

There may be nothing more precious to a youth than his first Weird Al tape. His parodys were hillarious and his original songs were genius. Also, without using foul language, his music seemed to offend others. What a victory!

Why it's still good-

Al's classic library is still excellent, but he keeps coming up with new music. His parodies still make me laugh and songs like "White & Nerdy" and "A Saga Begins" identify with me in a big way. Only prudes don't like Al, and most judge without listening to an alblum.

1. Video Games

Back to the Future II & III

Why you liked it-

Two of the best movies on one game cartridge? You shut your mouth! Oh man. How cool! You even get to ride on a hover board. This is JUST LIKE the movies!

Why it's garbage-

I have the game. Come play it some time. You think the licensed games today are rubbish? This game felt like an abomination. The controls stink, the enemies in the game have nothing to do with the movies, and the music is terrible. One of the worst games ever, and it's certainly the "Meg" of anyones retro game collection.

Exception

StarTropics

Why it was great-

When you could rip the controller away from your other family members, Star Tropics was a very fun game. It was not like any other game on the NES. Some would compare it to Zelda, but it always seemed funner than Zelda.

Why it's still great-

The platforming in this game was very unique and has not been repeated. There are many great retro games, and many of them have had updated releases. However, aside from Zoda's Revenge released during the end of the NES's reign there have been no Star Tropics games. Wich is sad because it's one of the top 10 games in my book.