The Abysmal League of Glorch's
and the Scepter of Power.
Once formed the League needed to establish headquarters. Weasel dwelled on a hill overlooking the city. It was agreed they would use his rental for a base of operation. The official headquarters was based in the shed outside of his home, but the shed was old and not insulated. For those reasons team meetings often moved inside. Things started off slow. The team was so talented criminals in the area were no match for them. In fact all the team did was play video games.
Meanwhile deep in the city an unknown villain lurked. When I saw deep I mean about a block away, and when I say lurked I mean sat on his couch. None the less this villain, unknown to The League at the time, meant great harm to the city. This villain's name was Le Chump.
While playing the newest, and greatest game they had ever played the league laughed and drank beer. Spirits were high. Unknown to them an ancient scepter controlled the content of all games. In order for some games to be good, a good portion had to be rubbish. This scepter controlled that balance. The scepter was formed in Tokyo in the late 70's and had been held safely there in a vault. Each year the major video game makers would open the vault and activate the scepter's powers. The scepter would reveal to them the correct balance and they would develop their game accordingly.
A month ago Le Chump, with his unnatural athletic abilities and limited knowledge of Japanese vaults, stole the scepter and brought it back to Oregon. On his couch he examined the scepter in order to unlock it's secrets. The scepter was not heavy. It was about a meter long with a hollow bottom. The head of the scepter consisted of a decorated finial and a Sonic the Hedgehog doll. There were no buttons, and no clues as to how to activate the scepter. Le Chump pondered. He pondered and pondered, and then it came to him. If one solitary thing represented how great and yet how garbage video games could be, it was Sonic the Hedgehog. Using made up technology and fictional science, Le Chump welded a copy of Sonic the Hedgehog for Sega Genesis to the base of the staff. He also attached a copy of the Sonic the Hedgehog game for XBOX 360 to the top of the staff. It was complete.
In order to activate the staff's power Le Chump had to do Sonic's patented Spin Jump. Fortunately Le Chump loved to flip and had a trampoline in his back yard. He waited until nightfall and then set his plan in motion.
This was the very evening The League had began to play the newest, most entertaining, highly regarded video game of the year. The multiplayer action was fast and furious. All member played, except for the Smarmy Bullet. His upbringing in the forest did not lend itself to video games. So he remained on the porch as a sentinel, his sniper rifle in hand. It was quiet for a time, and then Swarms heard a number of cries from the living room. He rushed in to find the rest of The League grimacing in pain, their controllers lay on the floor beside them. He asked what was wrong. Acerbic Avenger spoke first;
"This game reminds me of a dump I took 3 weeks ago after trying Taco Bell's 5-layer burrito"
Weasel cried out next, "No kidding! This game was so good and now it is terrible!". Specs added,"The frame rate was fine, but then the graphics started to blink on and off!". Brutal Mist added the final comment, " Me love games, but this one no good no more!"
Justin, or Smarmy Bullet, examined the situation and then stepped back outside. Through the trees he could see a bright light coming from a near by house. He brought his sniper's scope to his eye and he saw it. Some red-headed goon was jumping on a trampoline, flipping end over end. The bright light came from a golden scepter the man had in his hand. He turned to go into the house and gave the team the news. Everyone agreed it was time to suit up and investigate.
Cory had modified his 4 door sedan into the team's ride. The only modification he had yet to add was to have the car's tires shoot flames when the vehicle reached 88 miles per hour. A trivial modification, but specs was pleased by it. The Acerbic Avenger was able to test the cars new ability within the 3 block they traveled. It worked. Weasel, sitting in the back and in the middle feared for his life as David took the corners at unreasonable speeds. Once arriving at their destination, the Avenger explained that the gem had made him a more aggressive driver and apologized to the team.
The night's breeze blew on Weasel's bare legs as the team made their way to the back yard where the crazed man jumped with the staff. Specs modified a stun grenade to track a leaping target and handed it to Smarms. Smarms aimed for the goon and fired. Weasel got out a bottle of Misty Mountain and held it to Jame's nose. He transformed into the Brutal Mist as the Acerbic Avenger gave the order to go and detain the now stunned goon. The Mist jogged, not ran but jogged, over to the fallen target and held him down as the rest of the team gathered around him. Weasel got down on his hands and knees and sniffed the suspect.
"He smells like sweat and chicken, but He's unarmed", said Weasel. Specs picked up the staff off the ground. He looked at it and had a good idea of what it was. He unfolded his portable PC and brought up some information on the net. As the suspect still lay stunned under BM's weight, the team anxiously waited for an explanation.
"It's the Scepter of Power", explained Cory. "What you see here is a mythic item thought to be used for years by the leaders of video game developers. It has been used to balance the amount of great games to come out over the years". Brutal Mist gave a look of puzzlement, "Why is my boy Sonic on that staff, and what does this have to do with our game? Mist want answers!!!"
"Calm yourself Mist!", shouted the Acerbic Avenger, "Specs is it possible that this mystery goon has used this staff to affect our game, and maybe even all the games in the world?" Specs explained that that was not only possible, but was in fact what was happening. The team felt that it was time for answers. Specs modified a bullet with an adrenaline epoxy and gave it to Smarms. Smarms shot the red-headed villain in the bum. The villain woke up with such force that Mist flew into the air and landed on the trampoline. The suddenly awake villain charged at Smarms. Smarms reached for his shotgun but was too slow. He flew backwards and was knocked out cold. The red headed menace turned his attention to Weasel and Specs and AA hid behind a large tree.
They watched as Weasel ran circles around the enraged man. The man would not give up the pursuit and they watched as it continued. Specs said, "You know David, your abilities are kind of worthless to the team. Here, I've made this for you. Throw it over your shoulder and attach it to the gem". The Avenger took the belt like device and did as he was instructed. "Well, a fat lot of help this is..." As soon as those words left Acid's mouth a herd of holographic fat women appeared in front of him. The holographic herd headed toward Weasel and his attacker. Weasel lept away as the fat women clobbered the villain. After he lay on the ground, again unconscious, the herd dissipated. "How was that possible?", asked the Avenger. "Simple", said Specs, " I analyzed that gem and found that it's ability's would allow for a holographic representation of your insults to become manifest. Simply activate the gem, think of something snide, repeat it and the belt will do the rest." Acerbic Avenger paused. "If they are holograms, how did they bull over that man?" Specs put his palm to his face. "It's like the Holodeck, Cerb. It's like the Holodeck."
That evening The League had the villain, who identified himself as "Le Chump", arrested and locked away. Specs and Weasel were able to disassemble the staff and restore balance to the world of video games. Smarms spent a night in the hospital, but was able to score a date with a hot nurse before his stay was over. James reverted from his Mist form and awoke on that trampoline 2 days later with a headache. He dreamed of Sonic and large women. In the end the team was flown out to Japan where they restored to the vault and received medals from Sony and Nintendo. Everything was grand until David said the Japanese all looked happy little gerbils. Although the hologram only lasted a few minutes, the team were sent home and asked not to return.
END!
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