Glorch League Origins

The Abysmal League of Glorch's

Origin: The Least Weasel


The least weasel is the smallest member of the Mustela, or weasel, family. Typical features of the least weasel are a long snout, long torso, and stubby limbs. Imagine if a man was raised by such a creature...

Deep in the forests of Oregon there was a small valley. In this small meadow there was a sizable least weasel population. One fateful afternoon a charter plane was traveling over the meadow. Prior to arriving over the meadow a tragedy had stricken the plane. The pilot had died and it was in a tail spin. The only passenger was a young man, his name was Jared. He was traveling back home from a field trip. Unlike the other twenty five students in his 3rd grade class, Jared had not gotten on the bus to return home. While the other students were boarding the bus, Jared was in the restroom, sitting on the toilet, and playing his Game Boy. Not surprisingly that is what Jared was doing when the pilot died. Desensitized from video games and television Jared calmly put on a parachute and jump out. He landed in the meadow as the plane crashed and burned into a hill side. His landing was a bit rough. Jared realized in horror that his Game Boy screen had cracked and had broken.

His fortunes did turn around however. A weasel family had recently had a litter of baby weasels and Jared was brought into the fold. Jared looked kind of like a weasel with his stubby arms and big nose. He lived in the valley with the weasels for ten years. There he learned how to hunt by tiring out his prey. He learned how to move like a weasel. He learned how to be cunning like a weasel, and yes he also learned to love like a weasel. Even though his love for his weasel family was strong, on his twentieth birthday Jared left the meadow and headed toward the city.

Jared found it hard to fit in with normal society. The mocked his stature and gawked at his stench. His family had taken him in and taught him how to groom himself once again. His family tried to educate him as to math and school subjects, but Jared's weasel attention span prevented him from retaining that sort of thing. He did however take to watching movies and catching up on new video games. He couldn't get a job, so for years he caught up on the movies and television shows he had missed out on while living with the weasels. He also played hours upon hours worth of video games. The stories and the experiences sunk deep into his weasel mind.

About 5 years after joining civilized society Jared finally got a job. He answered the phone for a local canned fruit agency. He dreaded the work and the forced schedule, but he need money. Soon Jared moved out and got his own place. He even took a wife, Gizzle. The Gizzle taught him many things such as the way of glorching. He would glorch for hours after returning home from work. One evening, while glorching, Jared was watching the news and saw that a bank had been robbed. Something clicked in his mind. Based on his experiences with movies and video games Jared decided to become a crime fighter. The gizzle indulged his fantasy and made him a costume. He took on the moniker "The Least Weasel" and set off to fight crime.

As it would happen his speed and quickness assisted him only little. Criminals had guns and were always a step ahead of him. Jared thought back to his time with his weasel family. They would hunt rabbits and small prey as a team. Only as a team would they be able to tire out and catch their prey. And so it began. Jared scoured the city for potential team members. He started with what he lacked the most; size and strength. he found a big fat guy who transformed into a beast after sniffing whiskey. He then needed tools for the job. He found a local technological genius who could build anything. He needed fire power. He found a paranoid guy who had just got out of jail that had enough fire arms to supply a small country's army. Then he realized he needed a leader. Jared was a team player, but no leader. The team's formation would have to wait.

The team of four pondered over which would be the leader for weeks. No one really wanted to lead. Jared was too small. Cory was still a bit bashful. Justin had a criminal record. Every one knew James lacked the cognitive capacity to be the leader. So they did the only thing they could think of. They went to the store to buy some booze.

There at the store the stumbled upon a man on the beer isle. The man looked nice enough, but had obviously not slept in days. He looked too young to be crazy, but was shouting at his chest. The team felt they had to help the young man. As they approached him they found his chest was indeed talking back. The man, David, explained his problem with the alien technology that was grafted to his skin. Jared explained Cory may be able to help. They returned to the Glorch Lair to see what could be done. While Cory was able to deactivate the device, he was not able to remove it from David's body. He also built David a device to regulate the device.

And so it was that the Abysmal League of Glorch's was founded.

David took the name "Acerbic Avenger"
Justin was called "Smarmy Bullet"
James was the "Brutal Mist"
They called Cory "Specs"
and Jared shortened his title to "Weasel".