Rant - Mario is better than Sonic

A no brainer to everyone save for the jerks raised on the teet of the Sega Genesis. You know who you are.

Sonic is a hedgehog. An animal. Mario is human. Boom! Lets go to Genesis again Chapter One, verse 26. That's from the get-go a good enough reason to not play as the blue rat. Mario is sentient due to god given ability. Who knows what gives the hedgehog the ability to talk. The only talking animal I've ever heard on record was in the Garden of Eden and it was Satan pulling those strings.

Also, Mario is older and therefore better. Lot's of things are like that; cheese, wine, solid oak colonial dinning tables, and Jedi Masters. Sonic wouldn't be around if it weren't for Mario. He would be Pac-ing around or some other version of a dumb Atari game.* Mario pioneered the genre and is therefore a better version of each iteration.

Math Lesson of the day. 1<2>1. Head hurt? Let's role!

Super Mario Bros(NES) > Sonic wasn't around.
Super Mario Bros 3(NES) > Who Sonic?
Super Mario World> Sonic The Hedgehog + Sonic 2 + Sonic 3
Super Mario 64(N64) > Sonic CD
Super Mario Sunshine > Sonic Adventure
Super Mario Galaxy> Sonic and the Black Knight + Sonic Unleashed x 37

Also...




Is much greater than,

.

Come on Sonic. Really? Do I have to quote Leviticus? That bible reading was uncomfortable the first time around, but I will go there if I have to. What there aren't other unaturally large pencil legged girl hedgehogs around? At one point Sonic actually plants one on the lady. Ech...

As far as spinoffs are concerned Mario again is much better than Sonic. For direct comparission place a copy of Mario Power Tennis in your Wii. Play it. Remove disc and place a copy of Sega Superstars Tennis in the Wii. Play it and compare. The games speak for themselves. I don't have a Delorean outfitted with a flux capacitor but I'll take a guess that the up and coming Sonic & Sega Allstars Racing will be a poorly executed, blatant rip off of Mario Kart.

To conclude this rant it may be obvious that this once hottly contested issue is now a no brainer. The argument may be compared to trying to explain that freedom is better than slavery to an early 1800's plantation owner in lower Arkansas. Still there are those (few) individuals that walk around with Sonic wallets and collect those dreadful Sonic comic books. We can all agree that can only be the result of a damged psyche determined to grab hold of a lost childhood. However, we can all also agree that any grown man who walks around in Mario shirts and hats while sporting Mario temproary tattoos must have the pinacle of taste and social refinements.




*Atari is older than the NES, but is garbage. An exception to the rule.