The Doctor is In

Greetings gentlemen. Trying to bag your lady fair, but your moves aint workin'? Don't fear, the LOVE DR. is here. Just sick back and do everything I say and you'll be in like a dirty shirt. Which will be ok because you'll have a woman around to do the laundry.

The Pipe

The first thing you need to do is grab a pipe. Ladies can't resist a man who smells strongly of burning tobacco. Afraid of lung cancer? Worry not, just fill the pipe with any substance of your choice. Personally I like to grind up Crunch Berries and feed on them through the pipe through out the course of the date. Just be sure not to blow on the pipe. A cloud of Crunch Berrie dust can scare away the lady.

The Ride

Chicks love a set of wheels. They also love a man who knows a deal when they see one. Trade your van in for a moped straight up and witness how women become weak at the knees. Your economic wisdom will be all to apparent once they see you can get 80 miles to the gallon on your "hog". That means you'll have more money to give them for purses, makeup, and all other sorts of things ladies buy.

The Grill

Women like a little bite with your bark. A man that's all talk gets tiresome and dull. Install a pair of steel clamps where your teeth used to be as a symbol of your ability. Sure you may not be able to pronounce certain words, and you may become ill due to sucking on metal for an extended period of time, but wait until you need to bite through a metal cable or something like that. You'll have the tools for the job. Chicks love a handy man!

The Moves

Aww yeah! What chick can resist a daring escape/duel with a thug? No chick, that's who. Now to do this correctly you would need a flux capacitor and a DeLorean. However a flux capacitor is fictional and DeLoreans go for $15,000. So just head down to Fred Meyer and slap a random guy over the head with what ever is on sale in the meat department. As he chases you around the store be sure to use random objects as skateboards or distractions. Lead the dude into the Garden Center and be sure he falls in a pile of fertilizer. Bingo! Just make sure your mom from the past isn't watching. She may think you're an absolute dream and ask you to the Enchantment Under the Sea dance.

Be Good With Kids

Some little jerk telling you a Velociraptor looks like a six foot turkey? Instead of pretending to gut the child with a dull fossil, warm up to the child. Tell him how special he is and that he's better than the other children. Shower him with candy and toys. Ladies dig it when they see this sort of activity. Having said that, if you come face to face with a genetically engineered Tyranosaur don't waste your time/energy saving children. Use the children as distractions as you make a dash for the nearest fortified building.

Dress Like Barney Rubble

Trust me. This works.

Sport an Injury

There's nothing like getting mauled by a wampa and spending a couple days in a bacta container to attract the ladies. Women are nurturers by nature and love to take care of others. Use this to your advantage and slam your hand in a car door on the way to your date. Wrap the wound in an old sock and secure it with duct tape. Once she sees your injury, and you inability to address it properly, her focus will be drawn away from your other short comings as she plays nurse for the week. Careful with this one though. If Mr. Lucas is in charge of your biography, your sister may plant one on you.

The Stache

Hmmmm. So fine. Ladies love a mustache. 'Specially if you have a mane of curly hair and a panache for mimicking popular music. Another route is the Mushroom Kingdom 'stache. Nothing says "Hero" like a mustache, red hat, and overalls. Don't worry about the mess. Women love it when you kiss them and they can taste what you had for lunch 3 days ago.

Hold a Gun Barrell Dangerously Close to Your Face

It's a no-brainer. Get it?

Musk Up

This one is the most important. You can never use too much. That's key. Whether you go the cologne route, or buy the more trendy body sprays for 14 year-olds quantity over quality. You see when a woman can breathe she has the ability to make informed decisions regarding whom she will and will not mate with. By suffocating her in fumes you effectively deprive her brain of oxygen making her ripe for the picking.

You're now ready boys. Go get 'em!