Originality Is For Suckers

Seven Clones That Are Better Than The Original.


The most tired method of expanding upon a story is to clone one of the characters. This is true especially in science fiction, but it can be found in other genres below. The majority of the time the clone is evil or super lame, but sometime they are stellar. Below are eight examples that I can think of, where the original subject is out classed by the copy.

Calvin



Calvin is great. No denying that. But when he modified a box into a duplicator, the resulting clone was even more excellent than the original.


Calvin's Duplicate




Calvin's duplicate lived by his own rules, thus making him greater. As can be seen in the example above, he cares not for cleaning his room and would rather play outside. His lack of respect toward authority figure is also worthy of praise. Unfortunately the original Calvin had to transmogrify all six of the trouble making duplicates into worms when the story played out. Too bad too. Calvin's Duplicate would have made a fine reoccurring character.

Jango Fett




Ooh shiny. Jango was the best Bounty Hunter in the galaxy, until Mace Windu cut his shiny helmet off while his head was still in it. Fortunately for his legacy Jango requested an un-altered clone for himself shortly before his death. That clone was...

Boba Fett





Jango Fett was Boba Fett. End of story. Lucas just wanted to cash in on not making enough money on Boba Fett the first time around. What to do? Clone Nation! Not only make Jango Fett look exactly like Boba Fett, except for the shiny armor, but also have an entire army of cloned Boba Fetts. Cash city here I come!! In the end though Boba is much better because he has that beat up look and is a more believable bad mother of a bounty hunter.

Stewie

Stewie himself is a fine young man. Smart, whitty, and vulgar he is the full package, or as full a package as a toddler can be. How could he get any better?

Stewie's Clone




When Stewie attempts to clone himself the result is a dumbed down version of the original. Which is most pleasing. "I made some poops" is much funnier than "Blast!" in my opinion. Unfortunately the clone was only seen in one episode in which he was destroyed at the end.

Velociraptor



One of the most discouraging discoveries of paleontology is the fact that velociraptors were more like chickens than giant human-flesh craving lizards. Recent fossils indicate that the dinosaur had feathers on it's heads too. If being the Liberace of the dinosaur world wasn't bad enough, velociraptors were also one of the more undersized of the dromeosaurids.

Jurassic Park's Velociraptor



Bigger, scalier, smarter, and equipped with the desire to consume human flesh, these velociraptors are the better version of the legendary predator. While the novel describes the animal closer to it's actual size, the raptors used in the movie were cloned reptiles on steroids. Everyone knows that dinosaurs with feathers is stupid so were only talking about the raptors in Jurassic Park and The Lost World. The singing feathered ones in that joke of a movie Jurassic Park III were rubbish.

Superman



Superman is great. In fact he is super. Sometimes though he's too good. So as is the case with a couple of the clones mentioned above, things get better when they get dumber...

Bizarro



Bizarro is better than Superman because he's funnier. Luthor's botched attempt at cloning the man of steal resulted in the most amusing character in the DC universe, perhaps except for The Joker. In fact the current, and 3rd iteration of Bizarro was actually created by The Joker, although is not really a "clone" of Superman. So for the intent of this article please reference the Bizarro as he is found in Crisis on Infinite Earths.

The Simpsons

The Simpsons is funny enough I guess, and it's an icon when it comes to animated television programs.

Family Guy

Family Guy is without question a clone of The Simpsons. The structure of the family is almost identical, but the humour of the shows is quite different. Where as The Simpsons was funny enough, too many episode dragged on or focused on boring character development. Family Guy on the other hand is more vulgar and focuses on popular culture references and gimmicks. Quite tasty in my opinion.

William T Riker

Riker is OK. Although in many episodes he can try too hard, for the most part he is a good officer. Capable and reliable are fine qualities in a First Officer, but they get boring.

Thomas Riker

Ah yes, my favorite kind of clone; A transporter accident! In 2361 while serving aboard the USS Potemkin, Riker was being beamed to the surface of Nervala IV. How unfortunate/convinient for the script that Nervala IV was notorious for atmospheric interference that would cause trouble. When trouble did arise a copy of Riker was beamed to the Potemkin while the other was left on the planet. There he stayed until the crew of the USS Enterprise-D discovered him. His experiences had changed him from the boring Riker the crew knew. He was an impulsive, reckless, and womanizing man. Much better I says.

Naked Snake/ Big Boss

An afterthought of an excuse to have a Metal Gear game in the 70s it is revealed that Big Boss was Solid Snakes "dad" and that Solid was a clone. What garbage. Almost as weak as Lucas making Vader Luke's father just to throw in an exciting twist.

Solid Snake

Solid is the original Snake, and much better. The only reason Naked Snake is so cool is because he is the copy of Solid. Same voice, same gameplay, same bandanna. Any positive attribute of Naked Snake must be attributed to Solid. This kind of garbage is identical to the Boba Fett/Jango Fett situation above. Only Lucas had the rare forsight to not make Jango better than the old fan favorite. At least when Solid grew up he turned into a old, wise hero. Not some terrorist punk like Big Boss.

Garbage Time!

These Clones are all garbage. Why would anyone waste their time coming up with them? Use caution if you are talking to someone who appreciates these dreadful knock offs.

Shadow The Hedgehog

He's black, not blue. Not even a true clone, some kind of alien garbage. This Sonic clone carrys a gun and has "attitude". So lame.

Ben Reilly

A clone of Spiderman. Look kids! He wears a hoody with cut off sleeves! He's just like you! Buy 2 copies!

MewTwo

A clone of Mew. It's Pokemon. Who gives two craps?